One of the worst thing about living with Borderline Personality Disorder is the grinding depression, the darkness that for no reason descends upon my soul and takes root, leaving me cold to joy, feeling lost and utterly alone. Thankfully it isn’t a permanent fixture and I’ve learnt over the years to attempt to tackle it with distractions before it hits too deep with music always being my saving Grace (or Babs, or Stevie. or David or Rufus).
It takes a lot for a tune to be a perfect distraction in those dark BPD days. When the mania is AWOL, the filters strictly dark and the volume on my hyper-sensitivity set to deafening levels, its heard to hear the joy in a song, let alone its life-enhancing BPMs. It is the cruelty of BPD and depression I find hardest to take. As the senses shut down so does the engagement with everything that keep me sane. The reading, the walking, the gardening, the planning, the loving, the pople I love, the music. It all stops. And its hard to find the energy to press play again.
But autistic elements of my borderline personality that want to prep for every possible depressive eventuality have their plus sides. Being a perfectionist way too obsessed about lists can be a life saver. Hence the Cheer Up Wildblood playlist on my iTunes. Hence the addition of this soaring beauty.
So today on Time To Talk day I suuggest we all take a moment to connect with those you know via music. Take a moment to cherish and wax lyrical about each others favourite beats and maybe you’ll find a sound way out of the fog that can be mental illness. Even if its just for a day, an hour, a few moments. As Rufus Wainwright so eloquently sings in my perfect BPD tuneful distraction there is a way through this. We just might need your tuneful company along the way.
“Believe me when I tell you I have no place to go, but to go where the wild flowers grow and the stone gardens bloom. Won’t you walk me through the Tiergarten? Won’t you walk me through it all, darling? Doesn’t matter if it is raining, we’ll get to the other side of town”. Rufus Wainwright, Tiergarten
For further information on Time To Talk day please click here