I’m not scared…honest

After years of hiding beneath the blankets I’m coming out this Halloween courtesy of a little aversion therapy. Ghouls and demons don’t leave me cold but there is one thing (other than trance) that spooks this Wildblood. I…don’t…like….gulp….vampires. There I’ve said it.

Why? It’s my Pa’s fault. He had this daft rule when babysitting me and my little sis. He’d let us stay up till half way through the TV show we wanted to watch. Half of Seaside Special, half of The Professionals, half of Tales Of The Unexpected; you know the kind of thing adults do to their kids. And then he’d send us up the apples and pears – yes he was keen on torturing us with rhyming slang (although if anyone can explain the point of “see-you-and-on” the seven-year old in me would appreciate it).

Anyway there we were set up to watch an episode of Starsky & Hutch. The theme was vampires but I was sat there happy in the knowledge we’d only get to watch half of the thing. Anyway judging by all mystery plot lines I’d ever seen (I’d got plenty of practise thanks to Scooby Doo) the scary bit would never materialised until we were safely up the mountain of Granny Smith’s and Comice’s. But not this time. I don’t know, maybe he had shares in bad dreams, but the old man let us watch the whole episode. Starsky & Hutch chasing a vampire through the streets of L.A. Only they didn’t get the bad guy in the end. Titles rolled and the vampire reappeared. All spooky like with suitable soundtrack. Not dead. Apparently you can’t kill the undead. Who knew?

And that was it. Scared for life. No trendy First Blood TV shows for me. Not even stupid kids cartoons with fat friendly vampires. I hate the bloody things. I tried reading Bram Stoker’s Dracula and only got as far as finding a suitable bookmark. Even today when googling the Vampire episode I couldn’t watch it. Not till the very end. Just uploading the pic on here has done me no favours I can assure you.

But with this being a major year of changes and challenges I decided to go for it. The Wild Fruit Vampire Ball will find me vamped up. I have the cape, the top hat, the waistcoat and makeup. And I ordered the teeth. On their arrival I checked contents, read the instructions for applying, got freaked and popped them back in envelope. But last night whilst home alone I considered getting them out and doing some early Fruit prep. Mixing putty and placing the teeth strategically on my own Penelope Keiths in advance of the big dress up on Sunday. Only I bottled it. One glance and they were back, strategically safe in the envelope.


So here’s to Sunday. To a dress up without terror. A wife dressed up as vicar to ward off an unwelcome fellow Vampire bonding that may occur and a seriously garlic infused Sunday dinner. You can never be too careful.

To understand what a true wimp I am here it is….
Starsky and Hutch (TV series 1975–1979)
The Vampire (TV episode 1976 #2.5)