Dear Virgin Media and Richard Branson – are you having a laugh?

Screenshot 2015-02-12 18.18.07Dear Virgin Media or should I just call you Richard,

Regarding your broadband and cable TV service. Are you having a laugh? Is this supposed to be funny? Am I are supposed to bend over whilst you fleece me silly? Late last year you informed me that your prices are going up so you can “keep giving me the best experience”. And what experience would that be exactly? Downloading that feels like I’m pulling files, documents and MP3’s through treacle or watching videos online that stutter and buffer and, well just stop? Or would it be the broadband I’m currently enduring, a miserable download speed of 11.39 MB and an upload of 1.88MB out of a paid for 30MB?

And yes I’ve done what you’ve suggested, I’ve moved the modem and I’ve listened to the experts but beyond knocking down all the brick walls in my flat or forking out yet more money to bolster broadband speeds I already pay through the nose for,  I can’t see how improvements can be made. But then you know that. When I call to complain I’ll told its the hills where I live, the dips and the Downs buggering with the service. Or its the students. Too many in one road apparently,  all downloading pirated movies and playing video games whilst they stream some gawd forsaken EDM racket no doubt. But then I live in a urban area surrounded by British countryside. Just like nearly every other Virgin Media customer.

As for your On Demand TV service – how can you describe “currently unavailable” as “on demand”? How does “please wait” (and wait and wait and wait) fit in with those flash adverts of yours filled with promises of endless entertainment. Box sets, box sets my arse – you’ll be lucky to get my set top box to provide a five minute cartoon on demand.

So what to do? As I have not received the service that I contracted you for I consider you to be in breach of contract. As a self employed freelancer and part time student who relies on your internet provision I’m losing the ability to work, I’m losing many hours pay, indeed I’m losing it! And yet I am playing a Standard Bundle total of £54.50 each and every month thanks to your recent increased charges.

So Richard whilst the broadband speeds on your British Virgin Islands tax haven are no doubt bloody spectacular, here in Brighton they are not. And here in Brighton I want recompense. No more well meaning engineers with suggestions that don’t work, no more telephone operators fobbing me off with excuses, no more contracts with Virgin Media that simply don’t deliver. You are supposed to be a service that I pay for. Start behaving like one.

P.S. Writing this has online has been a slow and painful process. Uploading an image, creating tags, sharing on social media – every part of it slow and laborious and time consuming. Let me spell it out for you – I’m your c.u.s.t.o.m.e.r.  Check the dictionary. It too spells out what that should mean.