Well, I’ve just done something I rarely do. I’ve looked back at January 2012’s Querying Queenie to see what the bloody buggery I blithered on about. And I discovered that whilst my New Years Resolutions were quite thin on the ground – I’d vowed to take up petty crime, join a Flock Of Seagulls tribute band and play badminton every day – they were also completely ridiculous and just a little bit sarcastic because that’s how I generally feel in January. Ridiculous and sarcastic. I’d thought of such stupid resolutions because they were just as likely to come true as the more traditional ones. So no more feelings of failure to come this year as this old lady ain’t resolving to do anything. But to pour some light over this supposed month of doom I’m going to find some positives for January 2013……..
1.Now for those of you like me who get paid on the ‘last working day of the month’, January seems like it lasts for at least two months. This is usually due to getting the Xmas wages early (good on 24th December, bad a few days later) and to going out on NYE and spending the entire month’s food budget in a few crazy hours (none of which you can remember come 2nd January). But let this not be a terrible time of misery and self-loathing. Make it ‘creative cookery’ month by trying to create interesting and innovative meals from practically nothing with what’s left (festering) in the back of the cupboard/fridge/freezer. Your self worth will soar as you lovingly present a pea and rice rissole made entirely from escaped peas scraped out of the freezer ice and an Ainsley Harriot risotto-in-a-packet that you don’t even remember buying.
2.Getting on the scales will become an exciting daily activity as you chalk up all the weight you’re losing due to the pea rissole diet.
3.Not turning on the heating to save money gives you an opportunity to wear all your clothes at once. And the fact this means you can’t move doesn’t matter because you can’t afford to go out anyway. A double whammy of joy.
4.The days are getting longer. Honestly.
5.Having not made any resolutions you can bask in the glory of not feeling the crushing disappointment that most of your friends are feeling having failed miserably to keep theirs.
6.February is coming and it’s a shorter month.
So there you are, January is not a depressing time, merely something of an endurance test. Last year I made three predictions and, amazingly, two of these came true. We won bucket loads of medals in the Olympics/Paralympics and West Ham got promoted. So my predictions for 2013 are that Painting By Numbers will become the nations favourite pastime as there will be a backlash against all computerised art, and I will get my own TV cookery show called Queenie Cooks Crap. Ridiculous and sarcastic, moi?
Happy New Year xxxxxx
Find Queenie online at gscene.org